Why I don’t have a boyfriend…

…And probably will not have one soon. Here’s the list:

Solitude by Evey90, on DeviantArt.

• Because I need more than a couple of weeks to get to know people. I am of the firm opinion that you cannot believe you know someone just after some dates. Can you get to know the quirks, flaws or peculiarities of a person just by having dinner once or going to the movies? How are you going to realize in a few months how much of what he says is a lie or truth? And with this I am not implying that the person is lying with malice, but people sometimes tend to create delusions in their own mind that they believe –or want to make others believe– to justify their errant behaviors. It takes years to dissect each unaware movement of another person, read his thoughts, bare his soul… but men do not have years for me. Sometimes, not even months.

• Because I hate being tracked down every second of my day. The place where I am and where I am going is mostly my concern. Since I have my own car, I don’t even tell my parents with great detail my full range of activities for the day. I just tell them when I will arrive so they don’t get worried if I am going to be away for some time. And I just do that because that’s a courtesy my parents deserve for having brought me to life. But what if the inquisitor is someone I have just met twice? Why do you need to know every single detail of my location? Do you think I will be cheating on you? What's there to cheat if nothing's there to begin with?

• Because I hate people pressure me. Love, to me, is slow. It grows inadvertently, as a product of an interaction that is not tiring or exhausting to follow. Love blooms in the moment you realize that casual encounters are not enough. At that moment, you know time has done its job making you desire the other one being by your side. If that time has not come, and it is still unsuitable to engage in anything more than casual, why insist on pressing the situation?

• Because sexuality is the means, not the end. Men looking for one-night-stands, in an attempt to satisfy the pleasure of the flesh are not my type. I want my man to embrace me after a passionate night, to look me in the eyes when he says he loves me… I want a love that overflows through the skin. I want sex to be a means to confirm love, not being only a physical gesture of egoism.

• Because I hate that people minimize my interests. If men believe that wanting to be with them involves losing my autonomy, or that nothing is more important than dwelling on love makes me sick. Yes, maybe I love you… but I also have many other activities and passions in my life that often require my solitude to carry them out. Oh, am I not paying attention at you? Don’t you remember the moment I told you I was going to be busy? I have a life, and unfortunately not everything revolves around you. Just as not everything revolves around me.

• Because I hate corny demonstrations of love. OK, no, I am lying and the previous sentence is bullshit, as I don’t hate it at all. I love to expose my corny feelings into written words. To express the beauty of language into sweet works can be poetic… but telling those words every time on real life seems unhealthy. Yeah, maybe I love you, but is it really necessary to repeat constantly the same empty words that are only that, words? Actions speak louder than words, and so I write, because they are meant to stay, not to be blown away. I would show someone I love him through the simple details of every day’s routine… I don’t think it is needed to keep repeating the same words that, if uttered too much, lose their value.

I have some other reasons as to why I am still single, but I think the previous ones are valid in every relationship and for most contexts. The rest, yeah, maybe they are my mistakes… but I cannot force myself to feel something that it’s not there.

I apologize to the world for being the way I am.